When you consider the traits of a narcissist, you will quickly find the narcissist is someone who is inward focused and thinks only of themselves.  They are self-centered, thinking they are superior to others and don’t think anyone else can understand them. The narcissist has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and takes advantage of others to get what they want. To the narcissist, people are put into their lives as a way to increase their feelings of superiority and to confirm they are the all-knowing person they want you to believe they are. For the narcissist, they seem to be able to turn any conversation into something about them.  The narcissist talking about themselves is nothing new, but why do they do that?

First, the narcissist must use every opportunity they can to remind you that they are amazing and no one else compares to them. They will discuss their achievements and talk about other high-power people they think they can be compared to. At first this might seem like a conversation starter and how the narcissist is helping you learn more about them.  However, you quickly learn that you aren’t meant to be a part of the conversation or to share your similar accomplishments.  The narcissist isn’t looking for input from you. You are simply a person in their vicinity that they can use to their advantage as they remind themselves how great they are.  Your role has become that of a silent listener. No input is allowed, or desired, from you by the narcissist.

This brings us to a second reason the narcissist talks about themselves.  They use talking about themselves as one of many ways to manipulate how the conversation goes.  When the narcissist talks about themselves, they can determine how the conversation is focused and what the priority is at that time.  This is made even easier when you have been pushed into the position of silent listener and not active participant.  Try to contribute to the conversation, by disagreeing, or agreeing, and the narcissist will shut you down. You aren’t meant to join in because this can influence how the conversation goes. For the narcissist, they discuss things they think you need to know at that time, and this is to ensure their agenda is met.  This changes from day to day and that is why the narcissist must guide the conversation, and not you. 

The last reason I will discuss why the narcissist talks about themselves is they use this as another opportunity to belittle you.  The narcissist needs to ensure that they always feel better about themselves and they do this by putting others down.  When they talk about themselves, they can directly, as well as indirectly, boost their ego.  If you do try to interject with your own thoughts and opinions, this is the perfect opportunity for the narcissist to add in ways in which they are better than you. When you try to contribute to the conversation, you are providing information the narcissist can use against you.  They will take every opportunity to make others feel little while they feel better about themselves. 

The best way to summarize why the narcissist talks about themselves is because they need to boost their narcissistic supply.  The narcissist has unstable senses of self, and they must always protect against narcissistic injury.  They present themselves as all-knowing, competent individuals but this is a lie. They are insecure and always on the verge of breaking down for fear of being found out as a fraud.  So, the narcissist must talk about themselves to refill a waning narcissistic supply.  They talk about themselves to remind you how great they are, to force you to be an audience in this fake reality they have created, and to have you ready to be abused and manipulated.  As always, everything is about the narcissist.  They don’t consider how their actions affect others.  They only consider what they need in that moment to ensure they remain on the defensive and at the ready for possible narcissistic injury.