You just landed your dream job, received a raise, or successfully started your own business that you have dreamed of for so long! You find your narcissist partner, friend, or family member to share the exciting news with them and after you are done, and clearly elated, they walk away or give some other indication that your success is not something they care about. They may change the subject or use belittling comments all in an attempt to prove to you that they don’t care about your accomplishments.
Do narcissists really not care about your accomplishments? How could someone be so cruel and self-absorbed to not even show interest in someone else’s positive parts of their life? For the narcissist, to care about your accomplishments would suggest that you could possibly be better than them and that is not an option for the narcissist. Your accomplishment could be something that earns you the Nobel Prize, an Emmy, or an article written about you in the local paper. It still doesn’t matter. It will never be enough for the narcissist to see it as an accomplishment that is worthy of their time and attention.
Narcissists are self-absorbed. They are preoccupied with fantasies of success and power, and this is something only they can attain and no one else. They exaggerate their talents and achievements in the absence of proof of how great they are. To consider you as someone who has accomplished something is not within their abilities to think about.
The narcissist is also envious of others. They would never tell you this outright, but they are. So, when you have an accomplishment, this increases a feeling of envy in the narcissist which is not something they can handle. This opens the door to them being potentially flawed and not superior as they believe they are. The best line of defense for the narcissist to take in that situation is to use denial and/or belittling statements. The narcissist knows no better way to feel better about themselves than to make you feel worse about yourself.
But what about them being excited for the CEO they want to be friends with who landed a new project? Is their excitement for this CEO proof that narcissists can care about someone’s accomplishments? No. It isn’t. The narcissist didn’t become a new person who is now capable of caring about others. When in doubt, always ask yourself in what way something will benefit the narcissist. The narcissist likes to associate with people who are high status because it helps them maintain their fantasy world they have created in which they are superior, all knowing, and deserving of special attention. To be happy for their CEO friend means they can keep this person close, which allows them to continue to feel superior and better than others. The narcissists like to surround themselves with people who can help them boost their ego.
This, however, won’t be someone they are in a relationship with, dating or otherwise, because those that are close to them are the very people they need to keep in their control should they start to run low on narcissistic supply. The narcissist doesn’t care about your accomplishments because it doesn’t benefit them in any way. It only opens the door to exposure of their fantasy world they have created that is not substantiated with any actual evidence of their superiority.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.