Have you known a narcissist that uses everything you have told them against you? You might have opened up about problems at work, with your friends, or family thinking they can be a source of support; however, they use this against you at a later time. Why would a narcissist use your words against you?
The narcissist can be charming at times. They seem to be caring and act as if they value you and your experiences. You appreciate their consideration of you and start to open up to them. When you encounter a stressful situation in your life, you discuss it with the narcissist looking for feedback and support. They may be able to provide this, but you must remember nothing the narcissist provides is free. They will give you what you want – which is support and understanding – with the unspoken understanding that this can and will be used against you at a later date.
The narcissist is always watching you to learn more about you. They want to know what upsets you as well as what you enjoy so this knowledge can be used in their game of control and manipulation. When the narcissist is low on narcissistic supply, they will then use your words against you to feel better about themselves. Their knowledge of the areas in which you have struggles allows them to better blame shift and make the problem about you when they feel targeted and backed into the wall.
The narcissist must always feel like the victim so that they can more effectively blame shift and not take responsibility for their actions. This is made easier for the narcissist when you have already provided them ready material through the conversations you have had with them.
For example, if you are talking to your narcissist about a co-worker who is mean to you and tells you that you don’t know how to do your job, the next time the narcissist needs to beat you down to build themselves up, they will turn this very situation against you. The narcissist, when upset, will remind you how mean you are and how you don’t know how to do anything, and use the interaction with your co-worker as proof of this. Did you just call out the narcissist for their abusive behaviors? The narcissist will deny their actions and bring up this co-worker and how you are the common link.
The narcissist uses your weaknesses as ammunition in their controlling behaviors. It gives them a leg up in arguments. As the person who is willing to consider others and their needs, you consider it could be possible that you are the problem because two people are saying the same thing about you. And the narcissist knows that you will look inward as they project their insecurities and flaws onto you.
What you will notice is the narcissist uses your words against you when you seem to be falling out of the grips of their control. They put you down as a way to quickly regain control over you. Over time you no longer talk with them about things happening in your life, but by that time the damage is usually done. The narcissist has gathered enough information to continue to use your own words against you.
They can also twist this into their favor. If you stop talking about friends and family because you are tired of your words being used against you, then the narcissist will use this against you by saying you must not have anymore friends because you never talk about them anymore, and then proceed to tell you everything wrong about you as to why you don’t have friends.
The emotional manipulation by the narcissist is part of their gaslighting and blame shifting. They must always keep you feeling crazy and remove all responsibility for them as a part of the problem. As with most things with the narcissist, they don’t care how their actions affect you and you are wasting your time trying to explain this to them. If you must remain in contact with a narcissist and you find they use your words against you, the best thing to do is provide them as little information as possible. Yes, they will still find ways to make you the problem but the less you give them to work with, the harder they have to work to be abusive.