Thank you for returning for the discussion on criteria #8 in the series on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have already discussed the first 7 criteria in previous blogs so check those out as well. I will be spending 9 blogs discussing the 9 criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, or DSM-5. I hope these videos help you understand the narcissist a little better as a way to protect yourself from their abuse while staying a step ahead of them.
Today I will discuss the eighth criteria in the DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her”.
Before we discuss that criteria specifically, I want to discuss the term envious and what it means. The word envy is often interchanged with jealousy but let’s clarify what the difference is. When someone is envious, they lack something that they think someone else has. This can be envy for an object, person, or personality trait. Jealousy is when we already have something, and it is threatened by someone else. Envy requires two people while jealousy requires three. When you have envy, the envy is towards something you are lacking. With jealousy there is a threat of losing something you have.
This distinction is important if you want to fully understand this criterion for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In the English language, at least in the United States, the term jealousy is most commonly used, even when describing situations of envy. But, as you can see, they are two different terms.
So how does envy relate to narcissists? For a narcissist, people are seen in two categories: targets for their own envy, or those that envy them. The narcissist feels value in being around people of high status or another quality they find valuable and worth associating with, so, they surround themselves with people like this. For example, they may choose to be around successful business owners from the community. However, the narcissist then is then faced with the reality that they are not the same high status person despite their attempts to surround themselves with people of high status and wealth. As a result, they become envious of this other person.
As the narcissist becomes envious, they experience anger and frustration and do not have the appropriate tools to manage these feelings which can also trigger shame. As the envy develops, the shame takes hold, and the narcissist will often move into narcissistic rage as a maladaptive way to manage their feelings of shame. They will dive into their toolbox of narcissistic punishment tactics and turn their negative emotions on someone else, while never addressing the issue in themselves.
The narcissist then continues this cycle of envy and shame by repeatedly associating with people that have qualities they desire, while finding they will always fall short when they compare themselves to the other person.
The narcissist lives in a fantasy world they created and have maintained by their false believes. They attempt to keep their fantasies alive by surrounding themselves with people they feel are worthy to live in their fantasy; however, reality will always hit them in the face, and they quickly realize that they are not these people they surround themselves with and must work to recover from the real world, which they don’t quite fit into.
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