Thank you for returning for the discussion on criteria #7 in the series on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have already discussed the first 6 criteria in previous blogs so check those out as well. I will be spending 9 blogs discussing the 9 criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, or DSM-5. If you can fully understand the criteria used to make the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then you can better understand someone with the disorder, or even just the traits they might show.
Today I will discuss the seventh criteria in the DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others”.
While a lack of empathy is only one of the 9 criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it is a prominent feature in most narcissists and this lack of empathy plays a role in their ability to continuously be mean and controlling while seemingly oblivious to how it affects you. So, what does it mean to lack empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share in the emotions of another person. You do not need to have had the same experiences as someone else to experience empathy. When you experience empathy, you can relate to their emotional experiences and imagine what they might be going through. If your friend was not accepted at the job they interviewed at and loved, you can understand their disappointment in not getting the job, even if you have not had a similar experience.
Empathy can also be for positive emotions. This same friend may have been accepted into their dream college and is excited for their future. If you can experience empathy, you don’t need to share a same interest in attending college, or even an interest in that particular college they were accepted into in order to understand why they are excited and what this excitement feels like.
If you can experience empathy, you can connect with others at an emotional level because you can relate to their experiences, which builds connection. You can show interest in their struggles or successes, and you want to learn more about what they are experiencing and how you can assist them. When you can understand what someone might be experiencing, you can assist them in a way that will benefit them.
For narcissists, they lack empathy which means they cannot take the perspective of someone else. They are unable to understand what someone is going through, which means they can’t think in a way that might show understanding for the other person. This results in the narcissist appearing self-centered and only focused on themselves.
The narcissist appears uncaring and constantly criticizes in large part because of their lack of empathy. How they affect you doesn’t matter to them. Additionally, they can’t process that if you are upset with them, it will affect how you later interact with them because they can’t take the perspective of another person. It seems as if they only think of themselves, and they do. What you need doesn’t matter to them because it is not something they can be aware of and understand.
This lack of empathy is what allows the narcissist to live a life of constant cruelty. When someone else does show emotion, they accuse them of being too sensitive and will not only invalidate the other person’s feelings but belittle them for having feelings. If the narcissist has hurt your feelings, they will blame you for being upset. They take no ownership of their role in your negative emotions.
A lack of empathy, however, doesn’t mean the narcissist doesn’t HAVE emotion. They are very emotional, with frequent anger outbursts and other negative emotions. The narcissist thinks and cares only about themselves. If they are angry, you are the reason and you must surely know what you did to make them angry. To not understand why they are angry is not a concept they can process. Others are the cause for their negative emotions and each person is responsible for catering to them because they can’t do it themselves.
Check out some of my other blogs on the topic of lack of empathy to learn more about this criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
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