Thank you for returning for the discussion on criteria #3 in the series on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Over the coming weeks, I will individually discuss one of the 9 diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder that is found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, or DSM-5. Fully understanding each of the criteria needed to meet a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder will help you better understand the disorder, or at least traits of the disorder. Check out my 2 previous blogs where I discuss the first 2 criteria.
Today I will discuss the third criteria in the DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only understood by, or should associate with, other people, or high status individuals (or institutions)”.
As I discussed in the last criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, narcissists live in a fantasy world. They think they are superior to others and demonstrate grandiosity, however, reality doesn’t support these beliefs so they must live in a fantasy world where they believe their thoughts are not only true, but that other people believe them as well. When they tell others of their accomplishments, they spin it in a way where they see it as true. By thinking they are special, they can feel more in control. They design their world to support their beliefs, or at least they think they do this in their fantasy world.
The narcissist is grandiose in their thoughts and to maintain this grandiosity, they must believe they are better than everyone else. To be average would place them among the masses, and this is not where the narcissist wants to be. The grandiosity is a plate of armor protecting their low self-esteem and low confidence. The thicker this wall they have built around them is, the harder it is to penetrate and expose them for who they really are.
Not only does the narcissist think they are better than everyone else, they think they should only associate with people of similar high status. The average person would be unable to understand them. They also think that if they are surrounded by people of high status, they can more easily fit in. Despite their grandiosity and sometimes arrogant behavior, the narcissist would prefer to blend in with those around them because this makes it less likely for them to be exposed.
The problem is, the narcissist only believes they are special and unique and there is no real expectation from them that they engage in behaviors that would support these beliefs. So, on one hand they only associate with people they feel are equal to them, but this increases the chance of them being exposed because they don’t have anything to back up how they believe in themselves. Despite the discrepancy between what the narcissist thinks and what they can show for it, the narcissist is master of words and is adept at saying what is needed to keep them in their perceived place of status.
When the narcissist chooses to only associate with people and institutions of high status, they miss out on the personal aspect. They may choose a friend who is wealthy and the head of a company purely for their credentials and not for who they are as a person. That person becomes a title and not a friend. For example, they may introduce their friend as “this is Jim, the owner of the largest store in town.” With this type of introduction, the narcissist can view their friend as an extension of them, which they think can give them a similar status. Jim as a person, is lost, however, and to the narcissist is only a title.
As you can see, this criteria is another way in which the narcissist forms superficial relationships. The other person in the relationship is there purely to boost the narcissist’s ego and be a ready source of supply for their unstable sense of self.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.
