Some people like to belittle others as a way to feel better about themselves. For narcissists, they have fragile egos and unstable senses of self, which makes them prone to narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage. To protect against the feelings of shame that come from a fragile sense of self, the narcissist puts down others to ensure they always feel like they have the upper hand. The belittling and other forms of emotional abuse can be daily occurrences with the narcissist. As the victim, you are constantly on the receiving end of their cruel and manipulative behaviors.
While the narcissist will readily make negative and disparaging comments towards you, they are unable to hear anything that could possibly be seen as negative towards them. They must protect their beliefs that others see them as superior and that they are flawless and entitled. If there is the potential for their true selves to be exposed, they will push back, and narcissistic anger is triggered. Today, I will discuss some comments that trigger narcissist anger and why they are triggering for the narcissist.
1. It’s not all about you. The narcissist believes they are superior and that all roads lead back to the narcissist. They believe they are the reason for positive outcomes around them, and are blinded by their role in things turning out negatively. The narcissist focuses only on themselves and can’t consider that they might not be the center of attention. They believe others are envious of them and if you suggest something isn’t somehow related to them you can trigger narcissistic rage.
2. You don’t know everything. The narcissist is grandiose in their beliefs and think they are unique and special. They think only someone similar to them would be able to understand them. They believe they know everything because everything is altered in their mind to support their beliefs. They can’t be wrong because their fragile senses of self won’t allow them to be wrong. To tell them they don’t know something means you might be onto them and they will be exposed for what they truly are, which is flawed and vulnerable.
3. You made a mistake and other people saw it. The narcissist can do no wrong. They believe they are infallible and free of mistakes. To suggest otherwise exposes this is not true and all an act the narcissist puts on. The narcissist protects being exposed at all costs. If you point out a mistake they made, and also mention other people saw this mistake, they experience strong feelings of shame which can trigger the narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage. The narcissist cannot hold onto their beliefs that they are entitled and superior if others see that they are human just like everyone else and makes mistakes.
4. You have control issues. Narcissists thrive on being in control. They will not give this control up to anyone because it would make them vulnerable and more likely to be exposed as flawed. However, despite the narcissist always needing to be in control, they will not be accused of having control issues. To state they have control issues actually gives the other person power and control over them and this is something they will protect against at all costs.
5. It’s your fault that happened. Due to their fragile senses of self and lack of object constancy, the narcissist is vulnerable to deep-rooted feelings of shame. They project through blame-shifting as a way to get the attention off of them and onto someone else to avoid the feelings of shame. If you tell them something is their fault this triggers shame and then leads to the narcissistic rage. They cannot accept blame for their actions due to their views they are superior and entitled.
Each of the listed comments trigger narcissistic rage because it hits at the core of being a narcissist. The comments suggest their strongly held beliefs are not true and they are incapable of seeing themselves as flawed in anyway. The narcissist can appear unpredictable in their actions because everything is about them and what will benefit them in the moment. While you can’t always prevent narcissistic rage due to the unpredictability of the narcissist, knowing what types of comments can trigger narcissistic rage will help keep you from being the target of their anger as a way to regain control they feel is slipping away.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues