Today I return with another video on the Gabby Petito Brian Laundrie case in the news. From my last video I gave a summary of the bodycam video from the traffic stop in Moab, UT. I used that video to explain many of the narcissistic terms and behaviors I cover on my channel. When there is a specific example to discuss topics in the context of, it is oftentimes easier to better understand the concepts. By making this video using a topic that is prominent in the news right now, I hope to create a better learning platform for the issues many of you may have encountered.
I wanted to remind you this is for educational purposes. I have never met Gabby, Brian, or their parents so any discussion on them or their behaviors is purely opinion and not meant to be diagnostic. At no point am I diagnosing any body in this video. The video is purely used as content to provide examples to consider. The concept I wanted to cover today is word games narcissists play. This is a video you can find on my channel if you would like more information on this topic.
If you have ever interacted with a narcissist, you quickly see they don’t answer questions, or if they choose to answer questions, they give vague, unrelated responses. Why can’t a narcissist just be forthcoming and answer questions?
Narcissists are purposefully vague in their responses because they must always be in control. They must control the narrative that is put out into the world, and they also want to limit their responsibility to things. When the narcissist doesn’t answer a question directly, they can ensure they can more easily get out of their answer by not committing to an actual response.
The narcissist likes to keep people guessing on what their true intentions are so that you never really know what the next step in their game of control and manipulation is. The narcissist wants to keep their options open so they can change the narrative as it suits them. They also don’t answer questions because it allows them to buy time. It becomes a stalling tactic for the narcissist to get more information and respond in a future way that benefits them.
If you ask a seemingly simple question to a narcissist like “Are you going to see your ex when you take the trip back to your hometown?”, the narcissist may respond with “I don’t plan on it.”. This response doesn’t answer the question of if they will be seeing their ex or even considered it. There is not a “yes” or “no”, but a vague response that is not a direct answer. Their response adds in how they don’t “plan” on it. What the narcissist is actually saying is at this moment in time they have no specific time or day in which they will see their ex when they make the trip home. So yes, in their mind they have answered the question, but did you really get an answer?
So now, let’s look at one common response from Brian Laundrie’s parents when asked where their son is. The response from the parents is “We don’t know where Brian is.” This is likely 100% accurate, but is also one of the word games you see in narcissists. Brian’s parents are actually saying “in this exact moment in time we don’t know where Brian is specifically located” so they feel confident in their response. Of course they don’t know where he is at this exact moment! But that doesn’t mean they don’t have an idea on where he might be. By saying “we don’t know where Brian is” they can deflect and remove responsibility from themselves. They don’t commit to any response or knowledge of anything. They think they have answered your question and see no need to provide additional information. They are also buying themselves time to get further information from Brian, their lawyer, or just to appease possible narcissistic needs in themselves.
Non-narcissists answer questions to help the person asking the question receive more information, have answers, or appease a worry they have. The non-narcissist wants to meet the needs of someone else. However, the narcissist thinks only of themselves and any information that leaves the narcissist’s mouth is to benefit them. This can be an immediate benefit in that moment, or a benefit for the future. The narcissist is always looking at what will help them stay a step ahead of everyone else so that they can protect against narcissistic shame and narcissistic injury.
Brian Laundrie’s parents don’t consider Gabby’s family, the law enforcement putting hours into a search for their son, or the public who wants to see justice. Brian’s family considers only themselves and protecting themselves. I can’t say whether his parents are narcissists or not, but this one response from them absolves them of all responsibility in providing information and is one example of word games narcissists play and something they are doing.
At Mindset Therapy we provide mental health services in Texas and Washington from trained professionals, via telepsychology, which allows you to attend the appointment from the location most convenient for you. Visit Mindset Therapy at https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/ to learn more about the services offered and make an appointment. Also visit our YouTube page, Mindset Therapy, PLLC, for the Mental Health Minute series that provides quick pieces of information for common mental health issues.